Won't Let Go
by iamkellylouise
Summary: AU fic. Addison and Meredith new each other before both Addison&Meredith met Derek. Addison left Meredith all alone, 12 years later she strolls into SG to confront her husbands mistress and the reality of the abandonment hits them both. Crappy summary!


**A/N: Not my best, I'm always a bit wary of writing AU fics. Basically I need you to forget everything that happens in Season 2, just go with it. Oh and yes there are Madonna lyrics in this, I was born in the wrong era clearly.**

**This is for all my loyal Mer/Add followers =D Something better is coming, it is, I know I've been saying it for weeks but it is I swear!**

**REVIEWS PLEASE! iam-kelly.**

* * *

As Addison shook the hand of her husbands mistress a flash of recognition crossed her face, she knew those eyes, and the hand, it felt so, familiar. When she said the word 'husband' she felt the pain that she saw jolt through the woman's body. As the woman began to storm away her husband shouted after her.

"Meredith!" he yelled.

No, it couldn't be, could it?

"Whats her last name?" she asked quickly.

"What?" he hissed.

"Her last name what is it?"

"Grey"

"Crap" Addison muttered, she started to take a few steps towards the blonde.

"Addison what are you doing?"

"Death!" she shouted, she ignored the funny looks everyone gave her, Meredith turned on her heel.

"Oh my god" she gasped.

"It's you" Addison whispered "Oh my god"

"Please tell me I have not spent the last 12 years looking for you and you turn out to be my boyfriends secret wife, your not her, your not, you can't be"

Addison pulled out her purse, she dug through the several credit cards and pulled out a crumpled half torn photograph of Meredith, she took a few steps closer to her and showed it to her.

"Holy mother of…." Meredith said stumbling back a little.

"What the hell is going on?" Derek exclaimed.

"No, no, no, this can't be happening" Meredith stuttered "No, you're not her, your not, you are not my Addie, you can't be, you look, you look different"

"I'm 10 years older and stopped dying my hair blonde" Addison smirked "You told me to remember, said it was bad for my hair"

"No, no, no, no, no" Meredith repeated shaking her head.

"Death, its ok, you didn't know" Addison said placing her hands on her shoulders.

"That's not the point Addison!" Meredith screeched shrugging her off "You got married! You left me and then you go and get _married _what the hell is that?"

"Meredith…."

"How long?"

"How long what?"

"How long have you been married?"

Addison muttered the answer under her breath.

"I'm sorry what?" asked Meredith.

"11 years" Addison said clearly.

"Y'know what, I can't even look at you" Meredith choked "You left me and, I can't even, I can't do this" she said backing away.

"Mer…."

"No, I can't do this" she sobbed, she quickly turned away and ran out of the hospital.

"Addison, what the hell is going on?" Derek exclaimed.

"D'you remember when you first asked me out, I told you I was still getting over someone"

"Yeah"

"Well, she's the one" Addison said somberly "I have, the uh, the divorce papers" she said pulling them out of her bag and handing them to him "I'm just here for a case and then I'm gone, so, you don't need to worry"

"Divorce papers" Derek stuttered.

"We were over before Mark Derek, it's for the best" Addison sighed "I had your lawyer check them over, he says they're fine"

"Ok then" Derek muttered "I can't believe this"

"Me neither, I should go and, speak to Richard"

"He knew you were coming"

"He asked me to, for the case, TTTS"

"Right" Derek nodded "And then you're leaving"

"And then I'm leaving, goodbye Derek"

_~x~_

**The following morning.**

"What's up with you?" Cristina asked as herself, George and Izzie walked into the locker room to find Meredith sat staring into space.

"Derek's married"

"He's what?" they all exclaimed.

"Yeah, she showed up yesterday but, I don't know whats hurting me more, the fact that Derek is married or the fact that its to the woman who left me 12 years ago"

"Wait? What?" Cristina exclaimed.

"Dr Grey, there's been a special request for you" Dr Bailey said walking into the locker room.

"No" Meredith replied.

"I'm sorry? Did you just say no to me? I didn't say it was optional"

"It's her isn't it, Addison Montgomery, well, Shepard now I guess, it's her who's requested me"

"Yes"

"Yeah, sounds like something she'd do, but no, I'm not working with her"

"Look, I understand that your in shock but, you can't let the fact that Shepard kept her a secret get in the way"

"I am _not _working with that woman!" Meredith snapped "Send me to the pit, send me home, whatever, I am NOT working with her!"

"Meredith Grey what the hell is wrong with you?" Bailey exclaimed.

"Dr Bailey, did you get the intern I requested?" Addison said walking into the locker room.

"No, she didn't, what the hell are you playing at Addison?" Meredith hissed "I don't want to be anywhere near you"

"Look, it's not my fault he didn't tell you"

"You think that's what this is about? Seriously!" Meredith exclaimed "You think that's why I'm upset? You don't think maybe it's because you left me with nothing more than a note, that I've had no idea where you've been for the last 12 years? That you got _married _less than a year after you left me, someone you said was the love of you life? Someone you promised you would never leave? And you think I'm mad because of Derek, go to hell Addison"

"Mer, come on, don't do this, don't shut me out"

"What? Like you did?"

"It was for the best"

"Oh right, of course it was, how stupid of me" Meredith mocked "So, what happened? Why did Derek leave you?"

"That doesn't matter"

"No, enlighten me please, there must have been a reason"

"Look, you're not allowed to judge me ok?"

"Why, what did you do?"

"I, I, I slept with his best friend" she muttered.

"Oh" Meredith said with a laugh "Oh that is, wow, seriously Addison?"

"There are two sides to every story Meredith!" Addison snapped.

"And what was yours in ours?"

"That I wasn't good enough for you, that I was too old for you, that you needed to go out and live your life, you were not ready to settle down Meredith"

"You are the only person I have ever wanted to settle down with Addison, I loved you, I loved you with everything I had and you threw it straight back in my face, you left this…." Meredith said snatching a crumpled half torn picture of Addison from the back of her locker "On our bed, this is what our relationship meant to you, half a photo with 'I'm sorry' scribbled on the back, did you ever love me?"

"Of course I did" Addison said softly "Don't be stupid Meredith, I loved you so much, leaving you, leaving you was the hardest thing I have _ever _done, not even giving my husband divorce papers hurt that much and I, I miss you, I miss you and I'm sorry, I'm so sorry that I did that to you and I hope, I hope someday you'll understand why I did it"

"I need to go" Meredith said firmly.

"Meredith you can't leave" said Dr Bailey.

"No, I need to go, I can't even, I'm going to be no use, I can't even wrap my head around any of this, I need to go" Meredith said rushing out.

Addison sighed heavily and rested her head on one of the lockers, lifting it off a few times to tap it back down, she turned around and took in a sharp intake of breath as the interns and Dr Bailey were all staring straight at her in awe.

"There are two sides to every story" she sighed "I still need an intern" and with that she left the room.

"Did that just happen?" asked George.

"Yes O'Malley, I believe it did" Bailey muttered.

_~x~_

Meredith sat on a bench overlooking the ferryboats, her hands rested in her lap, the picture of Addison held tightly in them, the tears that had started falling in the locker room were still persisting, she didn't even bother to wipe them away as fresh ones fell. She felt a presence next to her, she turned her head and saw him sat beside her.

"Hi" she squeaked.

"Hey" he sighed.

"You should have told me" she said softly.

"I know" he nodded "I'm truly sorry that I didn't Meredith"

"What was I to you, the girl you screwed to get over being screwed?"

"You, you were like a breath of fresh air"

"I'm sorry she did that to you" Meredith sighed.

"I probably deserved it"

"Nobody deserves that Derek" Meredith said firmly.

"I was indifferent towards her, I didn't realize it, not until she turned up here, I was sat in my trailer staring at the ceiling and it all, it all just hit me, I was indifferent, I'd send Mark, the one she slept with, I'd send him over to take her dinner, even on our anniversary" he sighed "I pushed her away, she said it was the first time, that it just happened and she said 'he was just there' and I thought she was just trying to cover for herself but he was there, he was there and I wasn't, I pushed her away"

Meredith moved herself to sit closer to Derek, she rested her head against his shoulder and rubbed a friendly hand on his arm.

"So, what's your Addison break up story?" he asked carefully, she passed him the picture.

"Turn it over" she sighed, he turned it over and the words 'I'm sorry' peered up at him.

"That's it?" he frowned.

"That's it" she nodded "I came home one day to find that on our bed, all her stuff was gone, I didn't know where she was, I asked everyone we knew, I looked, I look, all the time, at first because I wanted her back but in the end it was just to ask her why, for all I knew she was dead"

"What are we doing Meredith?"

"I think, I think we should split up" she said softly "I do care about you Derek, a lot, and, I can forgive you for not telling me but, I can't get into a relationship with you, my head is just, I don't know where my head is, I just walked out of the hospital for gods sake!"

"You still love her don't you" he stated.

"She was the love of my life" Meredith sighed "And she left, she left me and then she married you, did she ever, talk about me?"

"When I first asked her out she said she was still getting over someone but it was never mentioned again"

"Do you still love her?"

"No" Derek said sadly "I did, I wouldn't have married her if I didn't love her but like I said, I was indifferent and I think that was probably because I didn't know how to tell her I didn't love her anymore"

"God, this is so, messed up"

"Yeah" Derek laughed "It is"

"I don't know what to do"

"Talk to her" he said softly "Talk, not shout, talk, tell her how you feel and let her tell you how she feels"

"I'm not saying this is going to happen but, if me and Addison, if we got together, would you hate us?"

"I could never hate you Meredith" he said calmly "I care about you a lot too and if she makes you happy, then let her"

"I don't know if I can trust her"

"And you won't, until you try, just talk to her"

_~x~_

"Dr Bailey" Meredith said tentatively approaching the resident.

"And the wanderer returns!" Bailey exclaimed.

"I just, I wanted to apologize, I am so sorry that you had to see that, that I let my personal life effect my professional one, it won't happen again" Meredith said sincerely.

"You can go and make yourself useful in the pit" Bailey sighed "Meredith" she said softly as she started to walk away.

"Yeah?"

"Are you ok?"

"No" Meredith replied honestly.

_~x~_

Meredith made her way to the tunnels where herself and her fellow interns often met for lunch, when she arrived they were all there, no doubt talking about the mornings events, they all quietened when they saw her which pretty much confirmed it, she hopped up onto the gurney next to Cristina and began to eat her chips.

"What?" she asked when they all stared at him.

"Wanna talk about it?" asked Izzie through a bite of her apple.

"No" Meredith replied simply.

"Ok, so we won't talk about it" said George.

"Hey Grey, heard a rumor that you like a bit of lady lovin'" Alex said hopping up onto the next gurney along, Meredith glared at him angrily.

"We're not talking about it" said Cristina.

"Yeah, but the rest of the hospital is" Alex smirked.

"Perfect" Meredith muttered.

_~x~_

"Derek said I should talk to you" Meredith said quietly sitting on the floor next to Addison who was leaning up against the wall opposite the scrub room.

"He signed the papers" Addison sighed.

"Why didn't you say goodbye?"

"It was too hard, Meredith, I didn't _want _to leave you, I _had _too"

"You could have talked to me, you could have told me you had doubts, we shared everything Addie, or at least I thought we did"

"Do you love him?" Addison asked changing the subject.

"No, I care about him, a lot but no, I don't love him, I haven't loved anyone since, well since you"

"I meant it, I miss you, I miss everything about you, you were my world for that whole year we were together Meredith, and the 6 months we lived together, they were just amazing, perfect and I loved you, so much but I had to let you go, you needed to live you life"

"But don't you get it Addison? I wanted to live my life with you, you, the love of my life, you, my world, you, my soul mate, my one, all of the things we said to each other, I meant them, I did, you were my best friend and now, now I don't even know you"

"I'm still the same Addison"

"My Addison would have stood up to Derek when he started to be indifferent towards you"

"He _knows _he was being indifferent towards me?"

"He didn't when he was doing it, he was thinking about everything last night, he said he pushed you away and why am I talking about this?" Meredith said shaking her head "I'm here to talk about you and me not you and Derek"

"I don't know what more I can say Meredith, I'm sorry, I miss you and everything I said, I meant it all"

Meredith remained quiet for a few minutes, neither had looked at each other throughout the whole conversation, their eyes focussed on the scrub room door, Meredith turned her head to face her, silent tears had fallen down each of their faces.

"I miss you too" she whispered, Addison turned her head, she let a sob escape, Meredith pulled her close, they slipped into old habits quickly, Addison's body turned in slightly, her head buried into Meredith's neck, her hands gripping onto her shoulders, Meredith's arms wrapped around her, her chin resting on Addison's head, they sat together, tears continuing to fall, they only moved when the next lot of surgeons and nurses headed into the scrub room, they sat up quickly and wiped their faces, they stood up and faced each other.

"So, what now?" Addison whispered.

"Now, now you go and check on your patient and then tomorrow, we say goodbye, properly"

"Oh, ok" Addison said trying to hide her sadness "I'll see you around then"

"See you around" Meredith nodded.

_~x~_

"So…." Addison started as they stood in the lobby.

"So…." said Meredith.

Addison pulled Meredith into a tight hug, wrapping her arms around her neck, Meredith's came up tentatively to Addison's waist, Addison ran her fingers through Meredith's hair.

"You let your hair grow" she mumbled.

"You always wanted me too" Meredith whispered.

"Goodbye Death" Addison said pulling back slightly.

"Goodbye Addie"

_~x~_

"Hey" Derek smiled when Meredith stepped into the elevator the next morning, she smiled at him and nodded at the Chief who was finally back from his surgery.

"You ok?" asked Derek.

"Fine" Meredith said with a fake smile which didn't go unnoticed by Derek.

"Meredith I…." he started.

"Derek, I'm fine, I really don't want to talk about Addie, not today" she sighed.

"But…." he started.

"No, I don't want to talk about her…." Meredith stopped when the elevator doors pinged open to reveal Addison "Addison…." she breathed.

"Hey" she smiled.

"What, what are you doing here?" she stuttered.

"I asked her to stay" said the Chief "We have a peds surgeon on maternity leave, needed the extra hands"

"I was about to tell you" Derek muttered.

"Right" Meredith nodded "And how long will you be here?"

"6 weeks" Addison replied.

"Well, best be going, don't want to be late for Bailey" she said rushing out at the next floor.

"That's not her floor is it?" asked Addison, already knowing the answer.

"No" Derek sighed.

"I shouldn't be here" she sighed.

"I want you here Addison" said the Chief "I heard a lot of things when I was in that bed and if rumor has it you obviously have some history with her but you can't let it get in the way of your work, you know that, she knows that"

"I know" she nodded "I know"

_~x~_

"She's still here" Meredith said bursting into the locker room.

"What? I thought she left?" asked Izzie.

"Peds surgeon on maternity leave, the Chief asked her to stay" Meredith mumbled "She can't be here"

"How longs she here for?" asked George.

"6 weeks" Meredith sighed "She can't be here"

"Oh come on Meredith" Cristina sighed "It's not like your still in love with her or anything"

Meredith stayed quiet and changed into her scrubs.

"Your not are you?" asked Cristina.

"No, no, of course I'm not, it's been 12 years, any feelings I had, gone, 100% gone" Meredith rambled, Cristina, George and Izzie all shared a knowing look.

"Ok" Bailey said stepping into the locker room "Assignments, Stevens your with Burke, O'Malley with me, Yang with Shepard, Karev can spend the day in the pit since he is late _again_ and Grey your with Montgomery"

"But…."

"I'm just the messenger" Bailey said raising her hands "Chiefs orders"

"This is going to be an interesting 6 weeks" George muttered to Izzie.

"Tell me about it" she muttered back.

_~x~_

"Dr Montgomery, I'm your intern for today" Meredith said quietly.

"Oh" Addison said obviously surprised.

"Chiefs orders"

"Chiefs orders?" Addison said with a raised eyebrow.

"Don't ask me" Meredith said raising her hands defensively.

"Right, well, we can do this, I've always wanted to see you work so, lets go" she smiled.

"Yeah, lets go" Meredith muttered.

_~x~_

"Richard, what exactly was your goal when you assigned Meredith to me?" Addison said bursting into the Chiefs office.

"You're going to be working in the same hospital for the next 6 weeks, longer if I have anything to do with it"

"Richard" Addison whined.

"What happened with you two Addie?"

"We were a couple, 12 years ago, we were together for a year, lived together for 6 months, we were in love but, I left her, I left her with nothing but a torn photo with 'I'm sorry' written on the back, I broke her heart Richard"

"Right" he nodded "Well then maybe this is the perfect time to settle your differences"

"I wish it were that easy" Addison sighed walking out.

_~x~_

**Week Two.**

"Four surgeries, four fatalities and the day's barely started" George sighed as the interns stood in the locker room.

"I talked to the morgue guy this morning" said Izzie taking a bite of her apple.

"The one with the uni-brow?" asked Meredith.

"The one with like, the teeth thing and he said that surgical fatalities come in threes and sevens, say's there'll be three more before midnight"

"Oh, okay then, since dead tooth morgue guy said so" Cristina mocked.

"He's the morgue guy, he knows things, about death" defended Izzie.

"Come on" Bailey said walking in.

"Where?" asked Meredith.

"ER"

"All of us?" asked George.

"We've all had deaths, lets all go save a life" she replied, they all quickly followed Bailey, as they passed the nurses station Addison stopped them.

"Dr Bailey, here you go" she said handing her a Styrofoam cup.

"What's this?" Bailey frowned.

"Hot cocoa, it's a little ritual we had in New York. 4 surgeries, 4 deaths, I figured we could all use a little good juju"

"And cocoa equals juju how?"

"Oh no, don't question her juju" said Meredith "She gets touchy over her juju"

"I do not get touchy over juju" Addison scoffed.

"Addison, what happened the last time someone questioned your juju?" Meredith smirked.

"I tripped!" Addison exclaimed.

"Ok then" Meredith laughed.

"Grey if you don't come now we're going without you" Bailey snapped.

"Coming Dr Bailey" she sighed.

"Wait Meredith, here you go" Addison said handing her a cup.

"Thank you Addison" Meredith smiled, Addison leant back on the nurses station as Meredith walked away.

"You juju'd Meredith" Derek said walking up next to her, she jumped up startled.

"Yeah" she sighed "Here you go" she handed him a cup.

"Thanks" he smiled.

"Derek, I, can we, can we be, friends?" she stuttered.

"Yeah, I think we can" he nodded "Thanks for the juju"

"No problem" she smiled.

_~x~_

"Hey" Addison smiled walking up to Meredith at the end of the day.

"Hi" she replied.

"Sorry to hear about your patient" she said handing her some hot chocolate.

"Thank you Addison"

"So, Derek and I are being friends"

"Oh, that's nice" Meredith smiled.

"We can be friends too y'know"

"I know" Meredith nodded.

"So, friends?"

"Friends"

_~x~_

**Week Three.**

"4 beers please Joe" Cristina said as herself, Meredith, Izzie and George hopped up onto the bar stools.

"It's been a great day hasn't it" Izzie smiled.

"To being kick-ass interns" George said raising his beer.

"Kick-ass interns" they all repeated knocking them together.

_Holiday Celebrate  
Holiday Celebrate_

_If we took a holiday  
Took some time to celebrate  
Just one day out of life  
It would be, it would be so nice_

"Hey" Addison smiled appearing next to Meredith.

"Addison, hi" she smiled.

"Wanna dance?" Addison asked, Meredith shifted uncomfortably "Come on Death, you love Madonna"

"I don't know" Meredith stuttered.

"Go on _Death _you _love _Madonna" Cristina mocked.

Meredith glared at her and stood up abruptly "Fine, lets dance" Meredith said grabbing Addison's hand and leading her over to the small dance floor.

_Everybody spread the word  
We're gonna have a celebration  
All across the world  
In every nation  
It's time for the good times  
Forget about the bad times, oh yeah  
One day to come together  
To release the pressure  
We need a holiday_

Meredith kept hold of Addison's hand as they reached the dance floor, they moved their hips along with the beat, Addison brought her arms up so they rested on Meredith's shoulders, their eyes connected as their bodies pressed up close to each other, hips touching, Addison flashed her a wide grin.

_If we took a holiday  
Took some time to celebrate  
Just one day out of life  
It would be, it would be so nice_

_You can turn this world around  
And bring back all of those happy days  
Put your troubles down  
It's time to celebrate  
Let love shine  
And we will find  
A way to come together  
And make things better  
We need a holiday_

_If we took a holiday  
Took some time to celebrate  
Just one day out of life  
It would be, it would be so nice_

"Ok, so that's hot" Alex said jumping up onto the stool Meredith had abandoned.

"They do look good together" said George.

"McPerverts" Izzie muttered.

"What?" Alex laughed "They look hot"

_Holiday Celebrate  
Holiday Celebrate_

_If we took a holiday  
Took some time to celebrate  
Just one day out of life  
It would be, it would be so nice_

_Holiday Celebrate  
Holiday Celebrate_

_Holiday, Celebration  
Come together in every nation_

As the song ended Meredith and Addison didn't pull away from each other, almost as if they hadn't noticed, Meredith could feel her heart beating in her chest and as the next song started to play she gasped audibly, it was _their _song.

_If you're lonely  
And need a friend  
And troubles seem like  
They never end  
Just to remember to keep the faith  
And love will be there to light the way_

"Did you…." she said pulling away.

"No, Mer, I swear I didn't" Addison stuttered.

"I should get back to my friends" she said taking a step, Addison reached out and grabbed her hand.

"For old times sake, please"

"Addison" Meredith sighed.

"Please Meredith"

"Ok, ok, fine, I'll stay" Meredith took a step close into Addison and wrapped her arms around her neck, linking her fingers together, Addison's hands rested on Meredith's waist.

_Anytime you need a friend  
I will be here  
You'll never be alone again  
So don't you fear  
Even if you're miles away  
I'm by your side  
So don't you ever be lonely  
Love will make it alright_

_When the shadows are closing in  
And your spirit diminishing  
Just remember you're not alone  
And love will be there  
To guide you home_

"Oh my god" Izzie muttered as they watched Meredith and Addison draw themselves closer to each other.

"What?" asked Cristina.

"She's still in love with her"

"Well, duh" Cristina smirked.

_Anytime you need a friend  
I will be here  
You'll never be alone again  
So don't you fear  
Even if you're miles away  
I'm by your side  
So don't you ever be lonely  
Love will make it alright_

_If you just believe in me  
I will love you endlessly  
Take my hand  
Take me into your heart  
I'll be there forever baby  
I won't let go  
I'll never let go_

"I need to go" Meredith whispered.

"I won't let go" Addison said repeating the lyrics "I'll never let go"

"But you did" Meredith said looking up at her with teary eyes "You _did _let go"

Addison leant forward and pressed her forehead against Meredith's "Letting go was the worst decision I have ever made Meredith"

"But you made it, I _need _to go" Meredith said pulling away "I can't, we can't do this, I'm sorry Addison" she took a few steps backwards, her eyes keeping in contact with Addison's, her heart twinged when she saw a single tear fall from Addison's eyes but she had to leave, she turned around, grabbed her bag from under Cristina's stool and left, the interns following out after her.

_Anytime you need a friend  
I will be here  
You'll never be alone again  
So don't you fear  
Even if you're miles away  
I'm by your side  
So don't you ever be lonely  
It's alright  
It's alright_

Addison walked over to the bar and ordered three vodka shots, she knocked two back, wincing at the burning feeling.

"Hitting the hard stuff?" Derek said climbing onto the stool next to her.

"Yes" she said knocking the last back.

"You never loved me like that" he said as he gestured for Joe to get him a drink.

"Like what?" Addison frowned.

"Like I was your whole world, that's how you just looked at her Addie"

"I did love you when we got married Derek, don't ever think I didn't, because if you think I didn't then it makes our marriage worthless and it wasn't, I loved you, I wouldn't have made those vows if I didn't love you" she said sternly.

"Be that as it may you love her Addison"

"I'll always love her" Addison sighed "But we can't be together"

"Why not?"

"Because she just said so, and she's probably right, there's too much water under the thing or whatever"

"Don't give up on her" Derek said patting her arm.

"You're too nice to me" Addison mumbled letting her head fall on his shoulder much like Meredith's had done weeks before.

"Probably" Derek laughed "We didn't work Addie but maybe, maybe you and Meredith deserve a second chance"

"Try telling her that" Addison muttered.

_~x~_

**Week Four.**

The hospital was in chaos, Addison could have sworn her heart leapt out of her chest when the words 'CODE BLACK' appeared on her pager. She helped as much as she could but found it hard, she had this constant not in her stomach like something was going to happen.

"Any news?" she said approaching Richard.

"Bomb squads up there now, how could she be so stupid" he said shaking his head.

"She didn't know"

"She did"

"How could she know, she's just a paramedic Richard"

"You haven't heard?" he said tentatively.

"Heard what?" Addison frowned "Heard what Richard?"

"The girl with the bomb, it's, it's Meredith"

"No, no she wouldn't do that, she wouldn't" Addison stuttered.

"Addie, calm" he said rubbing her shoulders.

"Calm? CALM? Meredith has her hand on a bomb and you want me to be calm?" she exclaimed.

"You have to be calm because I'm not calm right now and you are the only attending in the hospital who has kept me calm today so you are going to snap out of it right now Addison Montgomery!"

"What if she dies" Addison said innocently.

"She won't die" Richard said pulled her into a hug "She won't"

The sound of an explosion filled the hospital, Addison knees weakened slightly, Richard kept a tight hold of her.

"Addison, stay, calm" he said slowly, he walked over to the nurses station pulling her with him, he grabbed the phone and dialed the number for the surgical floor "What the hell is happening down there?….Who's coming up?….Ok" he puts the phone down "Come on" he said pulling Addison towards the elevator "Alright people! They're coming up"

They watched as the elevator doors opened to reveal Derek and Burke leaning against the wall, they both stepped out, Burke started to talk to the patients family, Derek stepped aside and started walking towards the Chief and Addison, Addison raced towards him and wrapped her arms around his neck "You're ok" she whispered "Where is she? Is she alive?"

"She's alive" he nodded "She's with her friends, they're, they're cleaning her up, the bomb squad guy, he exploded, right in front of her, she got knocked back with the force but she's fine Addison, she's fine"

"She's fine" Addison whispered.

_~x~_

"Hey" Addison sighed as Izzie opened the front door to the house.

"Dr Montgomery" she smiled.

"Please, call me Addison, I uh, can I, can I see her?" she stuttered.

"Sure, come in" Izzie stepped aside and let Addison into the house "I'll just go and get her for you"

"Thanks" Addison smiled.

A few seconds later and Meredith walked slowly down the stairs, she stopped leaving a considerable distance between them "Hey" she said softly.

"Hey" Addison breathed "You almost died today"

"Yeah" Meredith nodded "I almost died today"

"I know you don't want to be with me Meredith, I know that but if, you'd have died today, if you'd have died I would have wanted to die with you because Meredith I love you, in a really, really big, pretend to like your taste in music, let you eat the last piece of cheesecake, hold a radio over my head outside your window, unfortunate way that makes me hate you, love you, so _pick _me, _choose _me, _love _me. I'm here for another 2 weeks and I'm not leaving until you give me a decision" Addison turned and opened the door, she turned back and looked Meredith directly in the eyes "I'm really glad you didn't die today"

_~x~_

**Week Five.**

"You need to stop avoiding her" Izzie said climbing onto the gurney next to Meredith in the tunnels.

"I'm not avoiding her" Meredith denied.

"She told you she loved you and ever since then you've been avoiding her, you need to make a decision"

"She broke my heart, it's not that easy"

"It was 12 years ago Meredith, I know it hurt, I know that but, she's here and she's offering you a lifetime with her and, you need to make a decision"

"I don't know what to feel anymore"

"You're still in love with her, you are Meredith and you're the only one who doesn't know it"

_~x~_

Meredith rounded the corner, her head hung low as she read her chart, she walked smack bang into another person.

"Oh my god I'm so sorry, wasn't looking where I was…." she looked up to see Addison staring back at her "going" she finished.

"Hi" Addison said quietly "I've hardly seen you all week"

"Oh, y'know, life of an intern" Meredith stuttered "So I'll just be…." she said stepping around Addison.

"I'm leaving in a week Meredith" Addison said firmly, Meredith nodded and continued to walk away.

_~x~_

**Week Six.**

Addison sat on one of the chairs in the lobby, she had waited for Meredith to give her an answer to the unasked question for two weeks, she understood the hesitation but now, now she was leaving, her 6 weeks contract was finished, of course, Richard offered her a permanent position but she couldn't bring herself to sign the papers, not if Meredith didn't want her there. She didn't even notice that tears had started to fall until she felt a tear against her lip, she furiously wiped them away cursing herself for getting so emotional in public, although the staff Seattle Grace already knew most of her business, she kept her head looking down at her hands, she looked up when she felt a presence in front of her, she took in a breath at the sight of an equally tearful Meredith, she stood up still wiping her eyes and exhaled shakily, Meredith reached forward and took her hands, Addison let out a soft whimper.

"Addie, when you left me, I didn't think I'd be able to function again and I guess, I guess I never did, I wasn't me, not anymore, I was a shadow of me and, I get it now, I understand why you left, that doesn't mean it was the right thing to do but I understand. When you walked into this hospital almost 7 weeks ago I, I was, I was so angry, at you, at Derek, at myself, I was angry and I think, after all that time, all that time of nothing there was no other emotion I could feel and being near you, it's, it's brought it all right back to the surface, when I see your smile, or hear you laugh I remember, I remember what we had and I remember why it hurt so much to let it go and now I know that I didn't, I didn't let it go because Addison, I'm in love with you, I've been in love with you for...ever and I'm a little late, I know I'm a little late in telling you that but my heads just been, since the day you came to see me, it's been all over the place but I'm settled now, I know what I want and Addison, I want you, I want you to stay, I want you to be with me, I love you"

"I, love, you, too" Addison sobbed.

Meredith pulled her close and wrapped her arms around her, they looked directly at each other and smiled softly, they leaned in and shared their first kiss in 12 years and it was like they never stopped, it felt exactly the same.

"I won't let go" Meredith whispered as they pulled away, repeating the lyrics of their song "I'll never let go"

"Meredith I know I said it before and I know I broke that promise but, I'll never leave you" Addison whispered back.

"I love you, I love you so much" Meredith said kissing her again "Come home with me"

"Home" Addison nodded.

_~x~_

"Woah, hello" Izzie stuttered as she walked into the kitchen to see Meredith pressing Addison up against the counter in a passionate kiss.

"Iz, hi" Meredith stuttered pulling away.

"Huh, Cristina owes me twenty dollars" Izzie smiled "On a totally different bet that is not related to you guys in any way at all" she added quickly.

"Nice save Izzie" Meredith smirked.

"So, does this mean your staying in Seattle Addison?" Izzie asked.

"Yeah, yeah I guess it does" Addison smiled.

"Where have you even been staying?" asked Meredith.

"The Archfield" Addison replied.

"Y'know, I think, I might have some room for your stuff if, you want to, maybe…." Meredith stuttered.

"I'd love too Mer" Addison said kissing her softly "If you're sure, it's not, too fast?"

"Not fast enough" Meredith smiled "I love you"

"I love you too, always"

_~x~_

**2 years later.**

"Do you think we're doing the right thing?" Meredith asked as she lay back in Addison's arms, the warm water of the bath surrounding them.

"It's a bit late for that now Mer" Addison laughed hooking her arms under Meredith's and placing her hands on the barley visible baby bump.

"No, I know, it's just, we can do this can't we?"

"Of course we can" Addison said kissing her temple "If I thought we couldn't I wouldn't have sat arguing with you for hours on end over the donor"

"We got there in the end" Meredith laughed.

"The end being number 97" Addison smirked.

"I wanted it to be perfect"

"He or she has your genes Mer, perfection isn't even the word to describe you"

"What do you want?" Meredith smirked.

"What?" Addison laughed "Can a girl not pay her love a compliment anymore?"

"Hmm, I guess I should say thank you huh?"

"Yeah, you should" Addison grinned "I love you Mer"

"Love you too Addie"

"I won't let go" Meredith said placing her hands on top of Addison's.

"I'll never let go" Addison whispered.

_~x~ ~x~ ~x~_


End file.
